Music Categories at the Grammies you have never heard of

By the Writers of the Pitiful News (Formerly the Pittiful Soul Patrol)

  • Christian Workout Motivation: The Pontius Pilates
  • Lo-Fi Death Metal: Adorable Smegma
  • Hyper Peruvian Rock Opera: The Rise and Fall of the Andes Mountains
  • Acoustic Electronica: Daft Pluck
  • Trap: Mice, Bears, other Vermin
  • Bubble Pop: Puff Daddy 
    • We mean P. Diddy
      • Wait Just diddy 
        • Let’s just call him Sean Combs 
  • Cherry Pop: R. Kelly 
  • Lolli Pop: The Chordettes
  • Dune: Dune
  • Comedy: Louis C.K.
    • No, that’s real. 
  • Tiktok Music: That Blonde Girl
  • The twist: M Nite Shyamalan 
  • Best Song Played in a Commercial: Home Depot
  • Best Political Anthem: Barbie Girl by Aqua
  • The Charleston: The Tiki Torches
  • Worst soundtrack: Two Silly guys on an Island 
  • Most obvious song: I’m Gay by Girl in Red 
  • Loudest coming from that closet over there: Sweater Weather 
  • Caused most breakups: A tie between Taylor Swift and Hoizer 
  • Ska: 14 Guys with Metal Drums
  • I have too many kids: Jim Gaffiagan  
  • He was a Skater boy: She said see you later boy 
  • Best Fight Song: Chris Brown 
  • Best song for Deaf People: NPR talk radio
  • Person Mentioned in the most rap songs : God 
  • Person Mentioned in the most rap songs (Who is not God): Jesus 
  • Person Mentioned in the most rap songs (Who is not God or Jesus):Monica Lewinsky
  • Lifetime achievement award: Shane McAnally
  • Worst Instrumental Version: Pentatonix    
  • Best Overall: 12 hours of cats purring  

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