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By Lord Tyler Sikov, Savannah Teman, and Sarah Yule

Confidential, for santa’s eyes only

• Dog head mask 
• Viagra for women
• Claritin-D for men
• DIY milk bath
• Winter Candy Apple candle from Bath and Body Works
• Debt forgiveness
• Clairo
• Fish sticks; my parents refuse to buy them for me after the choking incident of ‘05 
• A new bathtub; it still reeks of fish sticks after the choking incident of ‘05
• A new tub of Miralax; it’s the secret ingredient in the best cup of hot cocoa you’ll ever have
• Some new stand-up specials
• The resurgence of an unmoderated Tumblr
• A new tub of Cyanide; it’s the secret ingredient in the last cup of hot cocoa you’ll ever have
• The feeling of listening to Ariana Grande’s 34+35 for the first time 
• Cats
• Cats on blu-ray
• Kittens in mittens
• True love
• 1 partridge in a pear tree
• 2 turtle doves
• 3 silver rings
• 4 bags of cat hair
• 5 new Ed Sheeran songs
• 6 additional wishes 
• 7 spoons of mashed potatoes
• 8 maps to the new world
• 9 howler monkeys
• 10 court jesters 
• 11 offshore bank accounts
• 12 selfies with Mr. Noodle’s brother Mr. Noodle from the Elmo show
• Froot Loops
• The Country 
• Country Crock
• The Lööp
• For Gritty to notice me 
• Happiness 
• Jackbox 8
• A vegan ice cream cake
• More cats 
• Vegan milk chocolate, like seriously just use one of the many vegan milks, it is not that hard
• An additional spoon of mashed potatoes 
• A chinchilla  
• And a partridge in a pear tree 

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