By Savannah Teman
Your zodiac sign can say a lot about your personality, including what nasty holiday staple you resonate with.
- Capricorn – Jello Salad: The dessert your grandma brings out and it just looks like jello but you cut it open and there’s vegetables and mayonnaise in it, but the lime green jello and the whipped cream kinda make it better.
- Aquarius – SPAM Stuffing: You kinda don’t know what’s in it and it’s just a mess of everything your mom had leftover, but somehow always tastes pretty good anyways.
- Pisces – Green Bean Casserole: You take some every year just because it’s there and you think you’ll want it, but you eat two bites and then eat everything else instead. Usually someone else offers you a scoop of it.
- Aries – Cranberry Sauce *with Pulp*: It’s actually so good but nobody likes it, especially because it has actual cranberry chunks in it. Too tart to be dessert but too sweet to be dinner. Never fails to be at the table.
- Taurus – Flake Mashed Potatoes: They come from a box instead of handmade. You wish you liked them but they just don’t feel right, but you can tolerate it with some gravy
- Gemini – Mincemeat Pie: Is actually a dessert?? Sounds good but there’s BEEF in it! But sometimes there isn’t beef in it and it actually sounds kinda good.
- Cancer – Eggnog: tasty but it’s more just like eggy spiced milk.
- Leo – Kielbasa with Sauerkraut: Literally my favorite but nobody else likes it. Hard to find good kielbasa. Sauerkraut is good shut up. Leave me alone.
- Virgo – Canned Corn: doesn’t really do anything wrong. Very reliable. But also it’s from a can in a pool of corn water. Kinda gross when you think about it, but I still love it.
- Libra – Potatoes Au Gratin aka Scalloped Potatoes: Potatoes can’t do wrong, but they’re particularly slimy here. They just kinda do what they want. You can’t control them.
- Scorpio – Fruit Cake: Sounds lovely. I think it would taste good but I have no clue because I’ve never had it. Candied fruit is good. I want to enjoy it.
- Sagittarius – Corned Beef with Cabbage: actually nasty sorry. Just kinda random, like CORNED beef??? And cabbage? Why this combo and who decided it was a holiday staple. Just eat normal beef please. Spare us.