Sports Cars, Sexy Strangers, Mirth Linked to Asking Your Doctor about Prescription Drug

By Ilya Yashin

A study published this week in the American Journal of Medicine shows that asking your doctor about a prescription drug leads to a dramatic increase in sexy members of your preferred gender, expensive cars, spending all day outdoors and/or with your happy family, and overall mirth.

“We found that asking their doctor about a prescription drug bumps everybody a few steps up the socioeconomic ladder and they end up laughing in the company of their loved ones in a variety of picturesque upscale settings,” said lead researcher Brandon Smith. At the end of the study many participants drove off into the sunset in sports cars or sat holding hands in rocking chairs on the porch of a house they would never be able to afford.

Smith emphasized that the effect occurred regardless of the type of drug, the participant’s diagnosis, and even of whether there was a diagnosis at all.

“Participants also reported a monotone voice rattling off a list of side effects for about one-fifth of each idyllic day of never-ending vacation and hot chicks,” Smith said.

“This research is impeccable,” said Susan Bdom-pom, director of Pharmaceutical Manufacturers of America, who was not involved in the study but funded it and gave the researchers cash bonuses. 

Basking in tropical-island paradise, everyone who has ever asked their doctor about a prescription drug was unavailable for a comment.

In related news, choosing a product of this brand over an identical competitor has been conclusively shown to cause smiling.

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