By: Shannon Kelly
• Buy multiple hampers: This way, no matter how much dirty laundry you have, it will always fit in one of your laundry baskets.
• Buy stamps: Once a year, buy a whole book of stamps that you’ll eventually misplace.
• Eat all of your groceries in one day:Now you don’t have to worry about them going bad!
• Avoid buying clothes: Just put stickers on your old ones and people will think you’re rich.
• Use a binder as a clipboard: Don’t be afraid to change things up every once in a while!
• Eat everything: Orange peels, banana peels, avocado skin,
don’t leave anything to waste.
• Tell everyone your dad is the Dean: You can get away with any-
thing your heart desires.
• Shower 7 times each Monday: Save time by getting in all of your showers in at the beginning of the week.
• Max out your credit cards: So you don’t have to worry about spending too much in one place.
• Use thumbtacks correctly: Stab yourself in the thumb with a
thumbtack because that’s what they’re made for.
• Have a child: You can claim them as a dependent on your tax forms.
• Steal
The Pitiful News 