By 3 out of Writers of the Pitiful News (formerly the Pittiful news)
- Went to the camo store, but couldn’t find anything??
- **~~ uwu made bread~*~*
- I read the entirety of the supernatural fanfiction on wattpad
- Decided on a new club name
- Beat up Tyler
- Mutilated Tyler
- Sacrificed Tyler
- Resurrected Tyler
- Killed Tyler again, but with more gusteau
- Sent Tyler’s limbs and head to 5 of his close friends and/or relatives
- Learned to read in Times New Roman
- Paint over the “dog person” mug i got from my grandma so it says “cat person”
- Slowly ripped out pages from my textbooks and ate them
- तत्किं करोमि
- Went to the bullet store to get more bullet points for this list
- Asked many dumb questions
- Despite the fact that I have google
- Had ants on a log
- Had celery with peanut butter and raisins
- Had celery with Peanut butter and raisins
- He is fine, just some of his hair
- It is honestly hard to eat anything without his hair in it
- Tax evasion (see my tax evasion article)
- Steierhannerzéiung
- Had a teenage dream
- Got arrested for said teenage dream
- Informed all of my neighbors that I am a registered sax offender
- Hit my head with a rock until I forget how to play the sax, as I keep offending them
- Went to the bullet store to sell the excess bullet points from this list
The Pitiful News 