Reductionist Professor Simplifies Psychology Course into Freud Stuff and “Everything Else”

By: Rachel Boward

Professor of Introduction to Psychology at the University of Pittsburgh and known reductionist, Bryan Bugmon, recently announced his radical curriculum change for the upcoming Fall semester. Simplifying his syllabus down into two main parts, Freud and, as he puts it, “all that other crap”, Bugmon claims this minimalist teaching style will better suit the actual expectations of practicing psychologists. “I mean, all you really gotta know is the Freud stuff. But, I do need to fill up the second half of the semester with something.”

Bugmon’s decision comes after many years of complaints on his OMETs from students who were frustrated with the unreasonable expectations for his intro course. “I started out just teaching the students the entire textbook. I mean, I didn’t really think it was that unreasonable, but the OMETs don’t lie!”

The tenured professor resisted instating any radical changes for years, assuming his critics were simply bitter students indignant to find that his class was not as easy of an A as they expected. However, what really tipped the scale for Bugmon was a comment on his “Rate My Professor” page from a passionate ex-student.

“He gave me a one-star rating and asked ‘When the hell am I gonna use any of this shit? The only cool part was Freud. That dude really knew what he was talking about. The Oedipus complex? Too fuckin’ real.’ Really made me wonder: Why even teach material that my students are never going to use again?” After that epiphany, Bugmon immediately began work on his updated syllabus, deleting all material that wasn’t related to Freud and building from there.

Other Pitt professors have begun to follow Bugmon’s lead. Mary O’Connor of the Gender, Sexuality, and Women’s Studies department has done a complete overhaul of her syllabus to only include Michel Foucault and Judith Butler. Ryan Omega has petitioned the university to create a new class called “Coins and Crap” to be housed in the economics department. One poetry professor, who wishes to remain unnamed, plans on devoting a good 75% of the semester to the classic poem, “The Road Not Taken”, by Robert Frost. And, in perhaps the most dramatic move so far in this new teaching style, the entire sociology department unanimously decided this past Tuesday to reduce all their classes down into one, large course titled “Marx, Marx, Marx.”

This shift has inspired a revolution in the university community. Bugmon seemed ecstatic about the impact his decision has had on his fellow professors. His excitement is almost palpable, “Like I said, OMETs don’t lie. I’ve gotten rave reviews so far, and the syllabus hasn’t even gone into place yet! Plus, my rating on Rate My Professor shot up from one to 1.75 stars. I just can’t wait to see how my stats improve once the syllabus actually takes effect!”