By Savannah Teman
Upper campus. The culture there is just so different. Like they like to brag about being up there and all and then complain about having to actually GO back up there.
Downtown. I know this doesn’t sound very fun or like you’ll get any new experiences, but just sit on any street, preferably on the ground, and ask people random questions to see how they react. Something like “Would you like to speak about our Lord?” or “You need drugs?” The people are completely different in this strange world.
Back home. It already sounds like they don’t want us here, with them forcing us to literally stay home after our first break, so why not just get a head start and take up some studying there. I’m sure you can figure it out.
The O. If you just sit in it and pretend it’s still there, it’s almost like it never left.
Penn State. It’s like the Little Italy of Little Italy. They even have their own kind of gelato, but they call it “ice cream”. And Pizza. Very cultural.
Just Outside of Philly.
The dean’s office. I’m sure Kenyon won’t mind. Just make sure you bring a sacrifice.
Kennywood. They literally close tomorrow.
The Pete. A socially distanced man gives you chicken through a window up there. Plus I hear exercise can improve memory and focus. Get moving.
Bigel — ohh. Nevermind.
ZoomZealand
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The Pitiful News 