Fall’s Hottest New Hairstyles

By Evan Rafferty

Funny Hair Cut - the barber left his scissors there

The Macchiato

  • A delightful ode to everyone’s favorite beverage! A dyed white base, and dark brown on top with extra frizz to emulate the steam rising off of a delicious piping hot espresso shot.

The Swiffer Duster

  • Just a perm mohawk, but rectangular and only on the very top of the dome. Blue dye optional.

The “Vin Diesel”


  • Long bangs with random high and low diagonals cut into the wall of hair. Perfect for finance bros looking to make a good impression during their summer internships.

The “Samuel L. Jackson”

The Succulent

  • Green spikes of random length, sticking straight out of the head. Needs plenty of sunlight to maintain liveliness. 

The “Bruce Willis”

The Lakeland Look

  • A series of splotchy, stringy, avant-garde strips of fuzz representing glacier-carved lagoons.

The Handlebar Plus

  • The classic flowy middle part, except there are only two thick strands of hair that drape over the forehead and are pushed back over the ears. Shave everything else off. 

The Quarterlife Crisis

  • Reject the Big Barber Industrial Complex. Let your hair grow! Hell, don’t even wash it. Societal norms only exist to keep the masses in line. Fight against it. Rage. Thrash. Join us.

The “Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson”