Lucky Bitch Sees Hamilton for the Fourth Time

Unbelievable. That lucky bitch. How dare she. Seeing Hamilton again? How many times has it been now? Four? She already saw it on Broadway. Twice. (Once with the original cast). She saw it in Chicago, and now she’s seeing it in Pittsburgh! And she has the nerve to tell me, “it wasn’t that good. And it got boring after I saw it the third time anyway but whatever.” That spoiled bitch. Unbelievable! Here I am, working so hard to enter the lottery every day, coping with through the crippling anxiety of deciding whether to bid for one or two tickets, and what do I get to see? Nothing. Just the picture of the Playbill on her Instagram story. But really, everyone is seeing Hamilton now. The Pittiful News Social Media Humans went and bought out the whole theatre so no one else could see it, and now my physics TA is seeing it too? Seriously? Am I the only person who hasn’t seen it yet? I’m glad Angelica was good, but I still don’t know what a Coulomb is! Fine, you know what, fine. I guess I’ll just have to watch the bootleg on YouTube again. *hffff*\

By Zach Hartman