Ways to Profit Off the Funeral You’re Going To

coffin at a cemetery

By Tyler Sikov

  1. Steal personal items
  2. Sell black umbrellas
  3. Perform a ventriloquism act with the deceased for tips
  4. Sell balloons
  5. Steal $600 worth of caviar (and then you’ll have to play live music to pay it off)
  6. Take bets on who will die next
  7. Play the organ for tips
  8. Kill someone else to ensure repeat profits