By Zach Hartman and Sonya Acharya
With a heavy heart, The Pittiful News mourns the passing of Hot Girl Summer. She will be remembered as a special moment, a movement, a motion. With each sticker she added to her Hydroflask, she brought more joy to this world than the TikTok with the cat set to Mr. Sandman. Summer encouraged all of us to check our vibes, live, laugh and love, and find the hot girl within each of us.
Hot Girl Summer entered this world through Twitter earlier this year in June, and though her time here was short, it feels like she’s been here a lifetime. Hot Girl Summer is survived by her loving sisters from Delta Nu, VSCO Girl Autumn and Holiday Hoe Winter. The three of them were known by their friends as “Mother Nature’s bitches”. VSCO Girl Autumn will rise up out of the pumpkin patch to carry on the legacy of Summer as Mother Nature’s new best bitch.
A memorial service will be held during golden hour in Schenley Plaza next Sunday. Succulents may be sent to the Amos Hall Starbucks (4022 Fifth Avenue, Pittsburgh, PA, 15213).
Editor’s Note: Since publication, Autumn has cancelled Winter. We can only hope they resolve their differences in the next few months. Sksksksksksksksksk.