‘All About That Bass’ Teaches Body Issues To New Set of Young Girls

By Phil Forrence

In wake of the recent stream of mega-hits celebrating the body types of larger women, (Meghan Trainor’s  ‘All About That Bass’, Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’, and J-Lo’s ‘Booty’) a previously untapped portion of tweenage females are learning the ropes of hating what their momma gave them. “I’ve always seen it happening.” Says 13-year old Madison Lively, “Fat girls go to the bathroom crying that they don’t get invited to the dance, but just last week,” she reports, “I hear that a man’s anaconda won’t want none unless I have buns. I run to the bathroom and through tears glare at my sickly frame because suddenly I, I’m the fat girl.”

“It’s not fair.” Says 14-year-old Alyssa Chambers from Columbus, Ohio. “Until yesterday, I’d known that only skinny girls got attention from boys,” she continues, “but then suddenly between counting my calories for lunch, I hear that infectious refrain about guys loving the bass and I begin to hastily stuff my face with french fries.”

“Personally, I love it.” reports Satan.
One group of women says that the songs are empowering. Another group says that they miss the good old days of skinny celebration. However, there is a slightly smaller group of women saying the songs just change a forced template of beauty from one stencil to another. If you really want to empower women, then denounce the determination of feminine worth as a set of measurables or present a more fact-based understanding of the nuanced sexual attraction. These songs could barely be described as a wrinkle in the undisguised corporate rouse of playing on the natural insecurities of the female sex.

The first two groups respond, “Yeah… but they’re so catchy!”