Local Student Opens Bong Summer Camp

By Ossia Dwyer

One simple idea has skyrocketed local student Vance Mulroney from Oakland burnout to well known ‘ganjapreneur.’  Frustrated last summer with the scramble to find a place for the bong he bought with some money his grandparents gave him, Mulroney thought other people may be suffering a similar problem.  “I had all of this extra space in my house on Lawn Street and like no one ever comes here because of that creepy murder house,” says Vance. “And ever since I started smoking weed in college to look cool and fit in, I have felt a passion for bongs that is definitely not just because all of my friends also feel that way.”

Mulroney makes sure that each of his campers has the excellent summer experience their parents pay for.  There classic summer camp amenities such as a lake created from a faulty sump pump, a ropes course created from the yarn that holds the tapestry over the broken bathroom door, and an arts and crafts station where campers can make hemp necklaces.  Each proud parent is promised one letter a week complete with a concealed blunt for those long summers living with your parents.

With business booming, expanding seemed like a natural progression.  Mulroney has contracted business out to five other Oakland students this summer and making each new camp targeted towards more specific interests.  Look out for the new branch camps with interests such as theatre arts, lacrosse, and dabs.  While this all may seem overly serious for an inanimate object designed to smoke illegal drugs out of, Mulroney insists the care he gives each piece is more than the care most parents can give to their non-glass kids.  Says Mulroney, “Bongs don’t need to eat or sleep.  They are the perfect kids.  Wait what no I’m not high.”