Op/Ed: People I Would Elect Before Donald Trump

By Dan Smith

-Bernie Sanders

-Hillary Clinton

-Elizabeth Warren

-Michelle Obama

-Stephen Colbert

-John Stewart

-Lil B

-John Green

-Kanye West

-Ophelia from Market Central

-Chance the Rapper

-My mom

-Emma Watson

-Vermin Supreme

-Oprah

-Ellen Degeneres

-Leslie Knope

-The hacker from Cyberchase

-Finn the Human

-Alex Trebek

-Literally any cat

-Joe Biden

-Roc the Panther

-Lincoln Chafee

-Jimmy McMillan

-Hulk Hogan

-Steve Harvey

-The moon emoji

-Billy Ray Cyrus

-Bill Murray -Either of the Sprouse twins -Both of the Sprouse twins -Louis C K -Al Gore -A dead squirrel -Morgan Freeman -Beyoncé -Jaden Smith -Bryan Cranston

-John Cena

-An ant farm

–Two ant farms

Top Ten Top Ten Lists

By Hannah Lynn

No one can resist a good listicle. But what a listicle made of listicles? We live in the future and the world is a nightmare! Anyway, enjoy.

10. Buzzfeed’s Top Ten Jennifer Aniston Hairstyles of 2002

9. Cosmopolitan’s Top Ten 10 Sex Tips Your Dog Will Love

8.  Goop’s Top Ten Kombucha Brands You Can’t Find in Stores

7. Billboard’s Top Ten Songs of 1852

6. Pitchfork’s Top Ten Tweets About Kanye’s Leather T-Shirt

5. US Weekly’s Top Ten People That Don’t Belong at the Grammys

4. Rolling Stone’s Top Ten Pictures of Bruce Springsteen’s Butt in Jeans

3. Buzzfeed’s Top Ten Unlikely Animal Friend Pairings

2. Time Magazine’s Top Ten Complaints Old People Have About Millennials 

1. Pitchfork’s Top Ten Bands That Don’t Exist Yet