Dad Impressed Son Has Friends To Do Drugs With

By Phil Forrence

Monroeville, PA – “He was just never very cool.” Explains local father, Chris Pultonek,who is surprised at his son’s recent involvement with drugs. “He’s not very good looking, he peed his pants until he was nine, and once called the teacher ‘mom’, but on purpose.” He continues, “It’s nice to see that at least someone will rip a bong with him.”

Drug use is considered dangerous for many teens. Even relatively safe narcotics like marijuana can be a gateway to a life of addiction and ruin. Sixteen-year-old Cedric Pultonek, Chris’s son, has weighed these points. He has chosen to take the risk. His father expresses a small amount of worry, but can’t hide his wonder that people willingly hang out with his son.

“He honestly isn’t even fun when he’s high. After he had his wisdom teeth removed but before the anesthesia wore off, Mrs. Pultonek and I had to listen to Cedric recite, in order, the U.S. presidents from Jefferson to Bush 1.” The elder Pultonek reports, still a bit shocked.

“He wasn’t even good at it. He skipped Zachary Taylor and confused Reagan with Nixon. I can see how that would happen what with Nixon being the leading edge of the New Right movement, and Reagan being its golden boy, but their interactions with the Soviet Union really differentiated their foreign policy approaches. If you are going to show off, at least know your stuff.”

When contacted for comment Chris responded, “My dad told you that?”

Cedric Pultonek concluded he’d really like to see if his other dead-beat children take up recreational drugs to boost social acceptance, except maybe try something less lame like coke or ecstasy.