Tragedy struck Forbes Avenue earlier this week when an innocent 61A bus was brutally maimed by a man illegally jaywalking after leaving David Lawrence Hall (much to the dismay of the new cross walk). Many are now calling the incident a hate crime. As the bus sped down the road, Mr. Carl Crasher stepped into its path instead of yielding. The bus driver slammed on the brakes and the bus began to screech to a halt. With the speed of a thousand 10A’s Mr. Crasher proceeded to sprint directly at the bus’s wind shield, screeching like a bat out of hell. Seemingly unhurt after smashing his noggin into the glass, his face showed no trace of concern for the damaged bus. Nearby pedestrians sprinted onto the scene to provide care for the badly injured bus, whose windshield was completely shattered. Police arrived at the location in a matter of more than several seconds but not more than a couple of minutes. Mr. Crasher was immediately put into handcuffs and an emergency tow truck was called for the bus. Mr. Crasher responded to reporters’ questions from the back of the police car.
“Do I regret what I did? Absolutely not. These damn busses think they own the road. Hell, they even have their own bus lane that nobody else is allowed to use. The discrimination in this city against the common car driver must end. No longer shall there be segregated lanes for cars and busses. I hope that others see my actions as motivation to take a stand against the corrupt bus system.” Mr. Crasher’s delusional and deranged ideals have been highly criticized by the general public.
Meanwhile, one man, Daniel McCleary is being hailed as a hero in the situation. Mr. McCleary, who is a local mechanic, was walking down a nearby sidewalk at the time of the incident. After observing the heinous act, he was able to quickly whip out some duct tape from his bag and stretch it across the windshield. His actions are said to have saved the bus’s life. The bus is in stable condition at the West Mifflin Garage.
By Jack Seton
The Pitiful News 