Things we forgot to bring to campus

August 24, 2021 pitifulnews #Career, #MakeMomProud, #SelfCare, #TimeToSue, 1862 scenes, 2019 Altoona Spring Olympics, 2021 you better, a full-on spa, Activities Fair, advice, Airpods, all around me are familiar faces, Alvin, and the oscar goes to trolls: world tour #cats, #covid, #death, #Feminism, #hate, #love, #Pitt, #PittNews, fun, housing

By The Writers of the Pitiful News (formerly the Littiful News, like lit, cause we are so lit)

Barbeque sauce for my titties
Socks
Veggietales season 69 on VHS
Pepper spray
Chicken cutlet bra inserts
My emotional support girlfriend
54 copies of Vince Vaughn’s Fred Claus on VHS
My therapist’s contact information
1567 boxes of sudafed
Fire arms
Potato sacks for racing
Russian nesting dolls that bear a strange resemblance to Roseanne Barr
Cat loofah
My Panther Card
Large knives and open flames
- Oh wait, I did bring those
Tooth Brush
Athlete’s foot medication
My cats
Potato sack for carrying my potatoes
Directions to the gym
My lust for Oscar the grouch
- This is the semester of me, I can not be bogged down by romantic interests in even the most divine garbage people
My 12 oscar trophies, I won them for moonlight
Squatty potty
My Pitt ID

A secret message to my Non-Binary readers

July 6, 2021 pitifulnews #Career, #MakeMomProud, #SelfCare, #TimeToSue, 2021 you better, a full-on spa, Activities Fair, ads, advice, Airpods, all around me are familiar faces, Alvin, and the oscar goes to trolls: world tour #cats, #death, #enby, #lgbt, #love, #Pitt, fun

By Lord Tyler Sikov

Code: they/them 0/1

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