Celebrities We Want to Meet

By the writers of the Pitiful News (Formerly the Chuck E. Cheese Ball Pittiful News)

  • Orlando Bloom dressed as Legolas (no exceptions)
  • Legolas dressed as Orlando Bloom
  • The Spiderman that Tom Holland killed so he could take his place
  • Doja Dog
  • Snoop Catt
  • Lyin
  • Chimpanzeez
  • Rutherford B. Hayes 
  • Túrin Turambar
  • Russell Stover
  • Mr. Clean
  • Ninki Minjaj
  • Gollum
  • The Wardrobe (of “The Lion, The Witch, and” fame)
  • The Ainur who sung the world into being
  • Grover Cleveland 
  • Whatever the fuck the dark elves were in Thor 2 
  • Grover Cleveland
  • Girlboss Cruella de Vil
  • The Mamas and the Papas
  • My dad
  • Pāṇini
  • The Broadway star that Tyler thinks he sounds like when he sings
  • Alexander Hamilton, but only the one from the musical
  • Santa Claus 
  • Gnomeo and Juliet
  • Grover “From the Muppets” Cleveland
  • Melkor who introduced discord into the Song of the Ainur
  • Wizard Calligraphy (Wiz Khalifa)
  • Jack the Ripper
  • Obama (I don’t know his last name)
  • John H. Tinder
  • Ashley Madison 
  • John Lenin 
  • The Yardbyrds 
  • Ellen DeSelfish 
  • Will Piano
  • Will Forte

10 Hot Pics of Roc to Make Your Day

By Savannah Teman

10 Hot Pics of Roc to Make Your Day

Roc is coming to steal yo girl

Roc coming home after a long day of holding the weight of every Pitt students’ depression on his shoulders

Who else has a cool statue of themselves? Abe Lincoln? Roc has us all beat.

I always thought Roc looked good in pink

Who says we can only have one Roc?

Roc in the desert, his natural habitat

He always impresses me with his skills