What will the Pitiful News be doing after we graduate??

By The Writers of the Pitiful (Formerly the Puntiful news) News

• Your mom, lol
• Drugs
• Party
• Darty 
• Tardy 
• Spending an ungodly amount of time scrolling through Indeed, as if it were social media.
  • And Zillow, the Instagram for adults
• Professional choreographer of TikTok dances
• Unemployed, something which my theater degree has prepared me well for  
• Strupper 
• Scrubber
• Stabber
• Scabber. Scabs
• Slobber
• Scrat
  • The little dude from Ice Age :)
• Watch all of the Ice Age movies back to back
• Hunter-gatherer 
• Peanut
• Lord Tyler Sikov 
• Feudal lord
• Serf
• Nerf
  • Or Nothing
• Making sweaters for cats
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• Member of Parliament 
• Squirrel
• Cannibal
• Cult leader
• Boba tea taster
• Fetish gear tester
• Fetish gear maker
• Talk to my therapist even more, with all this time on my hands
• Pet goldfish
• Twisted fucking cycle path
• Ironically start an OnlyFans, unironically make bank
  • Unironically start an OnlyFans, ironically make bank
• Presidential assassin
• City street whore
• Capitalist tm
• Start trying to brainwash myself into having a Russian accent
• Cross things off my bucket list
  • #1: Get a bucket
• Math textbook writer
• Reinvigorate my love for boy bands by following their solo careers
  • Backstreet Boy
  • A Beatle
  • A Rolling Stone
  • An Eagle
  • One Fifth of a Direction
  • A Second of Summer
  • Boy 1 Man
• Freak show attraction
• Fry grease guzzler
• Try to think
• Timmy Turner: Perpetual Schooler of Undetermined Level
• Leper 
• Hello Kitty’s handler
• Doctor Who
• Get COVID-19, while it lasts 
• Bass Pro Shops customer service associate
• Porn star
• Happy meal toy
• Be racist
• Be racism
• Bee racist
• Beer acist
• Be homophobic
  • – Rainbow Alliance president
• Steal rainbows
• CEO of MyPillow
• Decode the YouTube algorithm
• Glue stick eater
• Your mom, again
• Live, Laugh, and Love