What will the Pitiful News be doing after we graduate??

By The Writers of the Pitiful (Formerly the Puntiful news) News

Top 10 Things I Love About Graduation Season | HuffPost
  • Your mom, lol
  • Drugs
  • Party
  • Darty 
  • Tardy 
  • Spending an ungodly amount of time scrolling through Indeed, as if it were social media.
    • And Zillow, the Instagram for adults
  • Professional choreographer of TikTok dances
  • Unemployed, something which my theater degree has prepared me well for  
  • Strupper 
  • Scrubber
  • Stabber
  • Scabber. Scabs
  • Slobber
  • Scrat
    • The little dude from Ice Age :)
  • Watch all of the Ice Age movies back to back
  • Hunter-gatherer 
  • Peanut
  • Lord Tyler Sikov 
  • Feudal lord
  • Serf
  • Nerf
    • Or Nothing
  • Making sweaters for cats
  • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
  • Member of Parliament 
  • Squirrel
  • Cannibal
  • Cult leader
  • Boba tea taster
  • Fetish gear tester
  • Fetish gear maker
  • Talk to my therapist even more, with all this time on my hands
  • Pet goldfish
  • Twisted fucking cycle path
  • Ironically start an OnlyFans, unironically make bank
    • Unironically start an OnlyFans, ironically make bank
  • Presidential assassin
  • City street whore
  • Capitalist tm
  • Start trying to brainwash myself into having a Russian accent
  • Cross things off my bucket list
    • #1: Get a bucket
  • Math textbook writer
  • Reinvigorate my love for boy bands by following their solo careers
    • Backstreet Boy
    • A Beatle
    • A Rolling Stone
    • An Eagle
    • One Fifth of a Direction
    • A Second of Summer
    • Boy 1 Man
  • Freak show attraction
  • Fry grease guzzler
  • Try to think
  • Timmy Turner: Perpetual Schooler of Undetermined Level
  • Leper 
  • Hello Kitty’s handler
  • Doctor Who
  • Get COVID-19, while it lasts 
  • Bass Pro Shops customer service associate
  • Porn star
  • Happy meal toy
  • Be racist
  • Be racism
  • Bee racist
  • Beer acist
  • Be homophobic
    • – Rainbow Alliance president
  • Steal rainbows
  • CEO of MyPillow
  • Decode the YouTube algorithm
  • Glue stick eater
  • Your mom, again
  • Live, Laugh, and Love

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