15 Things That Were Actually Cake, and One Thing That Was Not

By Sonya Acharya

1. The large wheel of aged wax-rind Gouda in my fridge
2. ROC #4 (there are 7 ROCs. The other 6 were not cake.)
3. The black belt I earned in the tenth grade
4. The grape that they did surgery on
5. The e-vites I sent out for my Zoom birthday party
6. Gretchen Wieners’ hair (it was secret-flavored cake)
7. The little boy sitting over on the bench while Tyler was being bullied
8. My younger sister’s penguin on Club Penguin Rewritten
9. All of the pirate hats used by the Jack Sparrow stuntmen
10. My neighbor’s new puppy
11. 60% of all lumps of fondant icing
12. Half a bottle of strawberry vodka (the other half was strawberry vodka)
13. Donald Trump’s notes for his Tulsa rally speech
14. The cake in the window of the only small bakery in a large town in Wales
15. The tablet that belonged to Rami Malek’s character in “Night at the Museum”

The only thing that was not actually cake was the beehive outside my mother’s kitchen window.