By Savannah Teman
Starting summer break made me realize something: I want a beach body, but beach body isn’t all in the actual body. It’s the face. And I have a face, so I figured it’s time to kick it into gear and figure out what the heck is making me break out.
I started by making a list of common factors in acne. Cosmopolitan says it’s my mother-in-law stressing me out about how to raise my kids. I’m not a 35 year old mother who needs a margarita so I’ll rule that one out.
The next article I read says it could be “what I’m putting on my face.” I’m not sure what that means because I don’t put anything out of the ordinary on my face, really. I use face wash, moisturizer, and toner. Oh, and pimple cream, and that weird serum with the snail stuff in it. And sometimes I use an overnight cream. And that stuff for under my eyes. And some anti-aging goop. But that’s really it. Vogue models use them and they look hot. But then again it could be the mask I use every morning that Buzzfeed claimed would help my skin. It just has like mayonnaise and pickle juice in it. Like a moisturiser and exfoliator in one. That can’t be it. Maybe I’ll try ditching the eye cream first.
Then I wondered, maybe it’s my hair. I mean it like, touches my face and all. I think it must be what I’m washing it with. I use that stuff from the commercial of the girl in the jungle in the big pond and her hair is all shiny and she keeps tossing it over her shoulder. She has nice skin too. I just don’t get it. I keep my hair well-maintained. I pick the bugs out. Use my pickle-mayonnaise leave in treatment. I even wrap it around my face at night to keep it smooth. There’s no reason why I should be breaking out from it.
Maybe my pillow is the cause. It touches my hair, my hair touches my face. I really tried with this one. I washed my pillow in the bathtub once I was done every day for a week, and then I hung it in the oven to dry. But every night I’d fall asleep and wake up the next day with a greasy, stinky face.
I think I’ve had enough. Doctors can’t pin it, my mom has no more advice, and my cat just keeps licking my face to make me feel better, but none of them are helping. I think I need a full life change. A spiritual awakening. I decided to move to the mountains. I will live amongst the goats. Hopefully this stress free life will finally clear my mind and my skin.