By Tyler Sikov
- Bringing milk
- Ventriloquism with the deceased
- Stealing personal items
- Selling black umbrellas
- Making bets on who will die next
- Hiring a lookalike to be in the coffin, and then having them jump out while the real body is wearing a big hat in the back row so no one expects a thing
- Joke routines
- Directing people to the wrong grave and pushing someone in
- Applying makeup to the body
- Playing the organ but claiming to only know how to play trap and pop music (especially ‘Play Good Music At My Funeral’ by iamnotshane)
- Killing someone else
- Balloons
- Eat all the hors d’oeuvres
The Pitiful News 