Floor Takes Uncanny Liking To RA

By Milo Davis
male-college-student-backpack | MVC Delta

A floor in a freshman residence hall has finally caught the attention of university officials with their unusual behavior. Ever since the start of the fall semester, students living on floor 20 of Tower A have shown an extreme amount of interest in their resident assistant, Sarah. According to reports, the majority of the decorations that adorn floor 20 were not put up by the RA, but they do feature the RA. Pictures pulled from her Facebook profile grace the hallway walls, and an intricate shrine to her infinite greatness displays proudly in the communal bathroom, a now sacred spot for the floor’s denizens.

All of this cult activity was initially thought to just be harmless fun/neurosis until recently when a terrorist attack was conducted on another floor. On January 21, 2016, a date that will forever live in infamy, three students from floor 20 took to the elevator, stopped on floor 21, and threw canisters of mustard gas into the hallway while screaming “You’re all infidels! Sarahu ackbar!” There were 26 casualties.

These floor 20 extremists, calling themselves Independent State of the Ineffable Sarah, or ISIS, have made clear their intent to continue their efforts in eradicating all who dare to oppose Sarah’s greatness. ISIS has posted several videos online encouraging those from other floors to join them in their crusade. When reached out for comment, the celebrated RA Sarah herself was quoted as saying: “I have no clue why they like me so much. I guess I just have a magnetic personality or something. Hey, I’m not complaining. This is neat.”

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