by BD Wahlberg
On January 23, 1998 some movie reviewer named Roger Ebert gave the Spice Girls movie, Spice World, one half of a star. One half of a star. Guess what else deserves one half of a star? Roger Ebert’s review. And that half a star is only for the quality of his star system and how mildly aesthetic it is.
He obviously thinks he’s being funny by trashing one of the finest examples of the epic band feature since Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. It’s not even constructive, he’s just venting because he won’t allow himself to squeal in joy during every minute of this hour and a half spectacle of Girl Power. I mean, read between the lines in the sentence “The Spice Girls music is so bad that even ‘Spice World’ avoids using any more of it than absolutely necessary.” What he clearly means is “The Spice Girls music is…absolutely necessary.” He uses 5 paragraphs and 455 words to act like a child about everything from the Spice Bus pee break to the live birth scene. Mr. Ebert seems to have no grasp on the obvious, game changing legacy that Spice World was setting, especially for its groundbreaking work in postmodern car chase.
But this review isn’t about how marvelously brilliant Spice World is, it’s about how Roger Ebert’s review doesn’t even deserve a whole star. This is man who just pulls out a template for movies he doesn’t want to like and plugs in key words and events from the film. All we can do is be as dismissive as he is and quote his cop-out of a conclusion, “Words fail me as I try to describe my thoughts…”
See Roger Ebert’s Review of “Spice World”: