“Why Can’t Kim Jong-un Stick to Ruining Things For People in His Own Country?” asks James Franco

Seth Rogan and James Franco were none too thrilled to learn that their movie “The Interview” would be canceled due to terror threats from the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea. “Can’t Kim Jong-un just be happy with the 24.9 million North Korean lives the global community allows him to ruin? Why is he trying to ruin our American movie too?”moaned James Franco, while dramatically crumpling up a poster for “The Interview” and tossing it into a pile of now unsellable merchandise.
“How can he get away with this?” Rogan asked. The answer to his question is actually very simple. North Korea benefits from what political scientists are calling the hey-look-at-us-we’re-not-as-messed-up-as-they-are-in-the-Middle-East phenomenon, by which a nation state can get away with pretty much anything, so long as whatever is happening in countries that have decent sized oil reserves is at least slightly more appalling.

 “To be honest, North Korea is like number 10 on the list of things I worry about,” said director of the CIA John O. Brennan. “That puts it behind number seven sinkholes, number eight whether microwaves cause cancer and number nine whatever happens if ISIS actually makes a caliphate.”
North Korean refugee, Ae Chul couldn’t understand the widespread disappointment the news had caused. “Your country’s list of acceptable movies is far longer than our country’s list of acceptable haircuts. Surely when it comes time for annual-family-movie-leisure-hour you Americans will not suffer for want of movies,” she said.
Chul was gracious enough to offer her sympathy to Franco and Rogan. “Kim Jong-un has prevented the release of many things I care deeply about,” she said. “Specifically my mother, father, and brother from hard labor camps. But perhaps there is a way your beloved movie can be made available on the internet or sent to DVD.”

Franco and Rogan gasped in horror at the words “sent to DVD.”

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