Audience a Freaking No-Show (Yet Again) for Bagpiper’s Field of Wheat Concert

“Sure, I get that the photo-ops look cool when I’m playing my pipes into the distance, but seriously, what the f*ck!” local bagpiper, Arran Barber, lamented to ‘Pittiful News’ reporters.

Barber has played a series of concerts all across a variety of interesting and scenic regions to pretty much zero audience participation from the misty mountains of the Scottish uplands, to the rolling green hills of Torridon. Barber clarified, “You know how hard it is to start a group clap to ‘Wee Willie Winkie’ in the first place? I swear a guy was paying attention once about three miles out into the plains, but I think he was just trying to make sure I wasn’t a dead deer.”
Barber has begged friends and family time and time again to come to at least one of his shows. “Again, I understand that these landscapes lend themselves to portraits that suggest I’m really thinking deeply about what I’m playing. Honestly, most of the time, half of my mind is playing ‘Scotland the Brave’ and the other half is trying to wink gnats out of my eye because there’s nobody to block wind.” To check out more of Arran Barber’s performances, Barber suggests wandering aimlessly through the grassy plains until you see a hunched-over guy picking thistles out of his reed.

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