Guitarist Still Unaware Moving His Mouth Does Not Affect Guitar Sound

Licking his lips, grimacing, and tensing up his neck as if the guitar was eating away at his internal organs, local guitarist, Stanley “Fudge Neck” Weppers, went through several riffs onstage at the Langston Poetry House evidently unaware that his facial contortions were not affecting the sound of his instrument. Bystanders noted that when Weppers began the song, he nodded a lot almost like he believed his chin waggle was increasing the oscillation of sound waves emanating from his acoustic guitar. At one point, Weppers puffed out his cheeks, played the same note several times in no noticeably different way, and shook his head perhaps in a desperate attempt to better his guitar prowess via spastic vertebrae movements.

Following his first performance at the open mic, Weppers stated, “Wow! Did you hear the part where I closed my eyes really tight and my tone improved dramatically? That was really something. Next time, I’m gonna bite my lower lip and see if that ups the reverb on my amplifier.” Attendants of his second show at the Beans n’ Stuff Coffee Lounge reported that Weppers did in fact deliver on his promise. At one point, he even shook his foot out during a measure’s rest as if using mysterious black magic to kick away the silence.

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