April 20th is usually a day of celebration: mothers, fathers, and children of all colors unite in a dank haze of love and equality. But this year, the celebration is dampened by the interference of one of the only two holidays that the majority of Catholics actually observe. Yesterday, historians made the shocking discovery that 420 and Easter fall on the same day.
“It is a phenomena that takes place every 990.5 years,” says Dr. Wendell Grassé of the Smithsonian Calendar History Museum, “I could have sworn that we had at least another 30 years before this would happen. I was planning a nice weekend trip to Pottstown, until I looked at my Garfield calendar and realized what day 420 was. It really snuck up on everyone.”
Tragically, many University of Pittsburgh students were caught off guard as well.
“My mom bought me a ticket to come home for Easter, but I am not giving up this opportunity to get high on 420,” says junior Amy Pasker, “I gave up weed for lent and I already awkwardly texted that dealer that I slept with that one time. I didn’t just go through all that trouble for nothing. ”
Father Travis Cherkowicz of St. Paul’s Catholic church believes that getting high, especially on Easter, is purely disrespectful to the Lord. “Jesus should be the only person that is getting risen this Easter Sunday. If you devil’s children want to feel like you are being ascended into heaven, you are going to have to get crucified and do it the hard way!”
According to Ben Wahlberg of ‘Pittiful News’ “The Jew View,” “The Pitt Jewish community shares similar hang-ups regarding the celebration of 4/20 this year, as it falls smack in the middle of Passover.” From sunset April 14th until sundown April 22nd, Jews will refrain from eating leavened bread, or products related to leavened bread, called chametz (pronounced chhhhchchgh).
Rabbis are in great conflict over whether the leavening one feels after consuming marijuana breaks the sacred commandments of the holiday. “If our ancestors fleeing Pharaoh did not have time to bake their bread, how do you think you have time to bake your head!” answers witty Conservative Rabbi Shmuel Goldbergmanstein.
In stark contrast, Reform Rabbi Beth “Radbi” Rosen has stood firm on her view: “The law says don’t eat leavened bread. Weed sure wasn’t leavened bread last time I checked! Moses’s journey started with burning bush; sounds like appropriate remembrance to me.”
Though both Catholics and Jews have not come to a consensus, one thing is for certain; there will be a whole lot of guilt this April 20th.