Unconfirmed: "Chancellor Gallagher" Resume Leaked!

We here at “The Pittiful News” value journalistic integrity. However, when University moles gave us the scoop that some new guy called a “Chancellor” – possibly pronounced “CHONK-ya-lar,” more details to come – was being vetted despite a kinda weird resume, we jumped at the occasion to publish the materials we had so you, the tuition-payer could see his or her (or possibly lizard’s or lizardess’s, again, more details to come) resume. Proceed at your own risk.

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