Movies to look out for in 2014

By Hannah Lynn

Noah: If there’s one thing this world does not need, it’s Darren Aronofsky telling the classic biblical tale of Noah and his ark. What’s next, Quentin Tarantino directs “Moses?”

Muppets Most Wanted: How about least wanted? There was maybe one person who requested a sequel to the Muppet movie.

The Amazing Spiderman 2: Didn’t this movie come out already?

Fifty Shades of Grey: I’m fifty shades of DONE with this book. I’m pretty sure the movie already exists; it’s called porn. Google it, idiots. If they make the whole trilogy I’m going to sue Stephenie Meyer for creating a monster. 

The Hobbit 3: Speaking of trilogies, what about this crock of shit? It’s almost impressive that they took a 300 page book and turned it into a three part series, but not impressive enough to make me want to see it. I’m through with that dildo fella.  

The Grand Budapest Hotel: Oh look, a Wes Anderson movie. I wonder if it will be like all the other Wes Anderson movies that have ever been made.

Dolphin Tale 2: Finally a movie I can sincerely get behind. I mean when I saw Harry Connick Jr. in the first dolphin tale, I was blown away! I can’t wait to see what these crazy sea creatures are up to next. How is Winter the dolphin’s prosthetic tale holding up? Will Kris Kristofferson return for his guest role? September 19th can’t get here fast enough!

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