It’s Jimmy here, writing my annual letter. I think I’ve been a good boy this year, except for that time I broke mom’s vase and blamed Christy. How are things at the North Pole? I hope you’ve had a good year. Oh wait, JUST KIDDING. I hope your year has been terrible. I hope your beard caught on fire. I hope eating all those cookies finally gave you diabetes. I hope Mrs. Claus didn’t let you touch her all year.
I hope you get indicted for all that slave labor you exploit. I hope Rudolph gets rabies and bites you in the face. Do you know why, Santa? Because you are TERRIBLE. You are so BAD at your job. Last year I asked for the Lionel Limited Edition Historic Series Transit Train Set and instead you got me the Union Pacific Anniversary Passenger Set. Any idiot with half a brain could have gotten that right. Maybe it’s time for you to retire…to HELL. Eat shit and die, Santa.
But if you do decide to do your job this year, I would like an iPod shuffle so I can listen to the Wiggles soundtrack in the car.
By Hannah Lynn